Sunday, March 26, 2006

Not So Much of a BoyScout

Be prepared.

Not only is this the boyscout motto but it is a diabetics' motto as well.

I was unprepared, not once but twice this weekend.

A Trip to Bizarro World

There was an art exhibit at the LA Public Library: "Travel Posters throughout time." CPG and I haven't been able to spend much quality weekend time together lately. So our first Saturday completely together in months was really something to look forward to.

This requires walking from her place to the train station. A good mile walk or so. I carb up a bit with a peanut butter and bannana sandwich hitting around a 200 prior to leaving her place. We walk to the train station and she goes into "adorable" mode as she is the one person I know in LA who gets a thrill out of taking public transportation. I should bring something with me, a gatorade or something.. but I figure if I am high enough getting to the train station. Once we get downtown, food will be plentiful and I am cool.

Getting out of the train station requites taking about 100 feet of stairs straight up then a few block walk uphill to the library building.. same one they blew up in Independence day. At this point I am feeling pretty good... but test...

and I am at 79... not terrible... but I feel droppy.. loopy.. concrete feet.. which means I am tanking out and need something.. a churro would be nice right about now. "Activity" burns sugar.. we're shooting for 100 here... but with the the extra insulin in your body... hitting zero is always a possiblity...

Zero is coma.

Okay let's grab some food... LA SALSA.. big fan... not open..

COFFEE BEAN... Okay one Vanilla Drink should bring me back up.

But I get there and I can't decide on what to have... when you are low blood stops pumping into your brain and therefor it is hard to make ANY decision let alone good ones. And your brain isn't working well enough to REMEMBER that you can't make good desicions. Unable to decide and thinking a big fat piece of choclate mouse truffle is too much. We walk out thinking there will be a cafe in library...

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??? I have been to a lot of libraries in a lot of towns and NOT ONE OF THEM HAS A GODDAMN CAFE IN IT!!! We hunt for it anyway. Well while we are at the base of the LIBRARY building we can't find the library.

We turn back to Coffee Bean.. which closes in the 45 seconds we were gone..

Coffee Bean closes at 3:00 downtown.. Los Angeles's downtown is a failure...

So we hoof it even further for another couple of blocks when I make another bad desicion... They are shooting a movie and the goddamn Kraft services truck is right there. I could just walk up and say "Hey I am diabetic and I am having a problem.. may I have a coke?" Maybe I just don't want to look like a retard in front of CPG.

That easy. But I don't want to tell these people I am A) Diabetic and B) Having a problem I can't control. The shakes are starting.. The sweats are starting and I can't tell these people I need help.. I can Handle it. We walk another block.. each new block is dropping the blood sugar...

We find some Che-Che hotel bar.

Just gimme a Coke.
I need a Coke...
gimme a fuckin Coke.

But the bartender is nowhere to be found...

I'm dropping and the bartender is nowhere to be found. I see someone who looks like a bartender but he is entertaining some Japanese Business who are oblivious to the 200,000 people protesting immigrants rights down the street. They are rich and have no desire to live here. CPG finds a bellhop who gets the bartender on the stick. He gives me a coke... a gulp it one sip. He brings over some nuts (fat sustains the sugar count in your body.. nuts have fat...which I find remarkable funny at the moment)

Okay back up... feeling human.... brain working..Brain working mean no smashy. No smashy good.

I should probably have a meal right about now.. the tourney's on and a burger sounds good. But I am in che-che hotel lobby and not the mood to spend $17.50 on a burger. So we walk two blocks back uphill and go up these steps modeled after the famous ones in Italy and one block east and two blocks back. At this point I decide to be the woman and ask for intstructions... we stop at McCormack and Schmidts and contemplate watching the tourney and have a $6 bowl of corn and clam chowder.... but I need to get my girl to the art exhibit that's what we are here for for chrissakes...

We get instructions, we under the big "W" and go there. I still think I need something before we go into the exhibit and library. I need something to eat.

And everything is mutherfuckin closed. Except the expensive places... and I won't eat there unplanned, unbudgeted.

Shit I burned the Coke and the Nuts, also very funny to me at this point.

Im crashing again. We see signs for an underground mall that have McDonalds... $.69 cheeburgers sounds awesome.

"You know that's stuff is poison" I hear her say.

Fortunately, that fight was muted as the FUCKING MCDONALD'S is closed too!


Not even a HOT DOG stand.. NOTHING!!!

I don't want to test. I have two strips left and we have to meet people for dinner later.

Im low, I know I'm low, I don't need to test. I need a fucking burrito.

By the way, when I am low... FUCKING seems to be the most useful word of choice. It's so versital.

She's holding my hand and I am staggering worse than a broke drunk. I can't feel my fingers. I'm lead... i'm feeling drifty...The city looks beautiful. There are protesting people with drums and Columbian flags and a gal with a "Hondouras" belt talking to her friends.

And I see it.

A neon cactus... neon cactus means food. Carb heavy Mexican food.


We have walked another 12 blocks by this time... A cross between New York and San Francisco blocks... steeper than they should be"

The Cactus is open. The Cactus is open...

It's open..

All I can think is "Is this our only option?"

I pause on the street and start looking around... there is a Burger King... and open McDonalds'..cactus place and RITE AID..

They have fun stuff at RITE AID... Do they have burgers at Rite Aid?

Drums.. Drums.. Drums.. I love drums.

Do they have Burgers at Rite Aid?

CPG says "Well what do you need?"

There are two too many options... okay there was one too many options.. too much to think about...

"I can't think...pick something... I want a breakfast burrito"

CPG gets into line... I start rattling everything off of the breakfast menu like Rain Man...

Look they have "Nasa TV" here...

She tells me to sit down and I do.. shaking my head down on to the table... sweating a puddle on to the table....

She arrives with a coke and chicken burrito, because it's 4:00 and they don't have breakfast burritos anymore..

A logic I cannot understand... breakfast burritos should be available anytime... that would be good.

I eat a chicken and rice and beans...

Thank god... ten minutes later I am a human being again.

God I love that girl.

The exhibit was fascinating.. and I haven't been to the downtown library before... it's quite a treasure.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Adam Morrison

I watched the Gonzaga vs. Xavier game tonight a #3 vs #14 seed. Xavier really sucked it up and came to play. They gave Gonzaga a hell of a game.

But Adam Morrison stood in their way. Adam Morrison outside of being a star player has one thing very much in common with me. He is a type-1 diabetic. You can read more about this disease here, it’s not just for fat kids.

Because you have some extra insulin (not mention adrenaline) running through your body it really easy to reach a ZERO (or coma level) blood sugar level when playing sports; should you even reach a 70… you become discombobulated. Twenty minutes on the stairmaster tanks me out. Can’t imagine 40 minutes on the court. I have trouble with the intensity of Dodgeball, Scrabble and walking to the Rite-Aid.

Gonzaga was supposed to walk all over Xavier, but with the game near over Gonzaga still found themselves eight points out. Their last lead was forever ago.

But Adam Morrison stood there unafraid, a sidedraw gunslinger with an insulin pump and a man boy moustache. And this young man played with nothing but passion. Almost as if he was the only guy on the court. Sinking three’s, making his foul shots. A crackpot with a can do attitude, the last fifteen minutes of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid… without Butch Cassidy.




His composure almost got away from him as his intensity banged the ball against his head when the momentum shifted. Taking a BGS test at this point never crossed his mind. I miss that kind of freedom. I miss that kind of confidence.

And single handedly he quashed the threat. The “healthy” people didn’t.

With less than a minute to go, he sank the shot after shot he needed to make. And when Xavier blew their last chance, he motioned to a fellow teammate… “gimme me the ball”

Winners always want the ball. He dribbled with time running out. I expected some kind of showboat chuck the ball into the stadium kinda bullshit. The buzzer went off the ball fell to his feet. Then casually shot it. It was a cross between 4th grade playground and he suddenly remembering that “this was the first game”

While he is an underdog, the team isn’t. Gonzaga still has a lot more playing to do if they want to win this thing.

Ahh to be young, fearless and indestructable.

I respect that.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Dinner Party

So I go to a Dinner Party.

Homemade Indian Food..

What sane person can argue with that? Okay the drive back from Irvine.. not on the top of my list for a Saturday night. I noticed the folks lining up for the Rocky Horror Show at the Nuart and got an "old school" impulse. But CPG was zonked at this point...

I have been wanting to see the Rocky Horror Show again recently...

The evening was nice. Good folks

Nice apps.. good conversation.. good folks...

Here's the problem... I don't know the carb count on Indian Food... but it's big.. the entire night I am above 300... I do shots... it doesn't work. I can't figure it out.

I feel so bad because the hospitality is so GREAT! The Hostess should be able to serve whatever she wants.. I should be able to adapt!

It's carb heavy.. all these people are marathon runners. They burn everything like before I get out of bed. I dont burn anything!

So tonight I failed.. I got really high and not in the Groovy Lounge way I used to do. CPG wants "physical activity"... but I am so tired cuz I am so high... I just want to sleep. Which I can't, Which doesn't mean I don't love her, I do.

It's stupid sleep, nightmare sleep, 'did I leave the front door unlocked" kind of sleep You are so wound up on carbs you can't do anyting but feel lazy.. but you can't feel anything but angry, frustrated and physically paranoid. Mentally, you are okay... I think.

And awake-- kicky, turny and "I don't want sex" awake.

Is there an old movie on? Since when is Audrey, Rita or Gene Tierney a substitute for "doin' it"

This sucks.

My next challenge is being a good boyfriend at the LA MARATHON CARBO LOAD DINNER.
I want to be a good boyfriend. I look forward to being the guy on her arm. I just don't want to embarass her. I don't want to be the "weak" one. I don't want to be the kid riding the short bus.

I want to be James Fucking Bond.

There has to be SOMETHING I can eat there. Or at least a good band... maybe Flock of Seagulls covers?

I can't marathon.. I can't carbo load (But DEAR GOD I WANT TO) will someone cut me a fucking break??? Why I do have to be in love with someone who can eat whatever the hells she wants?

It's cold in Los Angeles tonight.. unseasonably cold.. Summer in San Francisco.. testi-icicle cold.

What are you gonna do?

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Today's Read

Read this article.

This why you always keep grape juice in the car.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Uber Activitiy

First thing Saturday morning, I get a call from a good pal o' mine...

"What are you doing?"

"Well CPG is running.. so I was going to read this comic I found (GREEN HORNET: KICK ASS!!) then perform an aria declaring love (because CPG reads my blog) and then a nap, some laundry and finally "getting that cobweb"

"Uh I need to move today.. the short story is that the cops and hookers keep visiting my roommate"

Which sounds much more fun than my day's plan (except for the GREEN HORNET PART)

While happy to do it, I was concerned about 4-5 hours of activity. Walking, lifting, sweating and all the stuff that comes with the joys of helping a friend move. All this Uber Activity could put me in lows for the entire day.. I would have to eat a lot.

But friends help friends move. It's a gauge. Real Friends help move.

All the guys who are going to be in my eventual wedding "court" have helped me move.

Moving sucks. It's stressful... it's tetrus.. except you have to move all those blocks...and they are heavy.... and then your friends make fun of you for the weird shit they find... which you haven't seen in years...

"Your bedframe is trashed... NICE!!!"
"The porn bin is sticky... what were you thinking??"
"Wow... that's a lotta lube, why do you own so much toilet paper... ?"
"You have "Suburbia?" Let's watch that! I haven't seen that since I was a kid!!!"
"Is that a slice of Papa's Pizza? They've been outta business for years... Damn it's STILL good!"

Moving is always what a bachelor party should be. A good look at your former life...

Yet we prefer alternative entertainment.

A move really shows the last few years.

Fortunately, he caught me before I take my normal shot of 35 units. With all that extra activity I am told that a should have a good amount of both carbs and protein as a base. Which is also a great advice if one was a young lady, say, going to go the Aqua Lounge in Beverly Hills for an Oscar party and drinking Martinis. It really helps the ole stomach...

People should really listen to me more often.

I cut my Lantus intake to 25 units and eat some bacon, eggs, toast, coffee and hash browns. I sploit and get to Santa Monica by noon. Greet the roommate and congratulate my pal on his new gig at Warner Brothers and move to the San Fernando Valley. This is a big lie, but apparantly my pal thought it was easier than having the "You're a Freaking Psycho" conversation.

We start off easy, each loading a car with several boxes of stuff. Amazingly, I hit a perfect 100 just before our lunch break at 2:00. It was forboding.. we really hadn't done that much work at this point and the afternoon was a promise of beds, dressers and a 150 lb tv set.

So we nosh at Jerry's Deli. While not a big french fry eater I have a few (oil and potatoes mixed together give you a sustained high blood sugar) along with a grilled cajun sandwich and mixed fruit. Which are also high in carbs. When I was first diagnosed the only thing I could put down (and keep down) was Jamba Juice. This would also explain the 800 I hit.

I take just two units (with no activity I would probably do about 7) and back to work. The rest of the day was a struggle to keep them up. Beds, dressers, tables, couches and as I mentioned a 150 lbs. 32" tv set my pal gave to me as a "Thanks for Helping out" Which by the way beats the hell out of pizza and beers. I can feel "that sweat" coming. Not the satisying sweat of a good day of hard work. But the back sweat. The other guys are sweating too so I am guessing I am doing okay. When you are the only one sweating that when you know you are in trouble.

But man that TV was heavy. Around 5:00, we managed to get it into my Mustang Coupe, however, using 5th gear or Reverse was out of the question. I knew I needed to eat something
I was feeling sweaty but not yet panicked. I had packed some Gatorade and that took the edge off. Now since I can't back up, It severely limits where I can park and grab something quick. I didn't want McDonalds... or any kind of drive thru food... and pretty much anything else would require backing up.

A-HA! Gas Station with Mini Mart! I know this sounds gross, but it was pretty much my only option at this point. So at this point I have a half a PayDay bar (carbs and protein) and Tuna Sandwich, some smoke house almonds and a Pepsi One. And NO insulin. We continue the move which was not the worst move I have ever gone through, but man, was it a lot of stuff and we were hurryng as it was getting dark.

I wrap it up and am feeling about 100. With all the activity I know I am gonna drop soon. So I finish the other half of the Payday bar. I got the sweats. I look at the crown of my 49ers hat and it's stained with the work of pores throughout the day. I smell.

I go over to CPG's house for a shower and have a well deserved beer. An MGD has rarely tasted this good. I am burnt so I know I am not having sex tonight.. another act of physical activity.. but I am at a 200.

Your body keeps working for up to 24 hours after any kind of physical activity... walking to the market or running a marathon. CPG, an ultra- marathon runner, tells me that for a week after running a marathon that you are working on negative calories. Eat whatever the hell you want.

I used to do Sarah Ivanhoe's Fat Burning Yoga, which I enjoy, but I feel like such a pussy for not being able to do this in a class. I tank out during the workout and need sugar. Then you fall asleep and suddenly wake up in the middle of the night with a 40 (Zero is dead) and I forgot to buy stuff and end up eating raw rice to shoot me back up an hour from now. Now I keep a ginger ale on my nightstand and a cake frosting in CPG's girlfriend's nightstand (which does have it's bonuses)... ever have to quit sex in the middle to get a soda? It's quite humbling. More on SEX later.... but CPG always brings me a snack after sex.... that's SO hot...really...

Great sex... then Pizza... it's the American Dream...

This bit is about moving...

I am at 200...



200 is high... but my body is working....

CPG makes me an English Muffin with Peanut Butter.... I dont do any insulin....

I wake up at a perfect 98.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I can do more than push ups and sit ups... I can do something real.. I can do something.

If I can move someone for 6-8 hours... I can do a run in the morning.. I can do a Yoga Tape...

I can be a good diabetic.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Stress can tweak you out.

It is a common fact that Stress (like being in a car accident) can make your sugars higher. In Los Angeles stress is hard to avoid.

Case in Point, After four years on my job I get a new job offer that I am very excited about. It creates a bit of a brohahaha at work and I am electric by the end of the day when I have to jump in my car and shoot down to my diabetic therapists office which goes through the worst part of driving in town. With a three hour journey late in day can drop you down to nothing. I SHOULD have a Balance Bar or something of that nature to get me through until I can have a balanced meal.

I don't do this. Why? Stress makes you do stupid things. You get tweaky and you crave comfort, whether it's a cigarette, a cocktail, chocolate... everyone has there own way of getting instand gratification,,, In my case

I order a number four at McDonald's (CARBS UNKOWN.. PROBABLY A FRICKING TON) shoot about seven units and take off down the 405. Which, for once, was a quite a pleasant trip.I had pre-trip anxiety.

I then proceed to CPG's house for a small celebration with Champagne. After nearing the end of the bottle I test at a 160... not so bad. I do know that alchohol (some more than other's) will drop you in the middle of the night.So i feel like I need to carb up a bit before going to sleep. So I have a few bites of ice cream,

Im tired and CPG starts a in depth conversation with that I can feel myself getting more and more iritable throughoutt that I am completely riled up... almost in insane,, childlike. She gives me some Kava Tea and rubs some weirdo eucalyptus thing on my face that zonks me out in just a few minutes. Welcome to Los Angeles,

I awake to to to a raging 260 meaning that about the time I went insance I was probably at a 400.

7 units immediately, I go home 30 push up 30 situps (each side), 30 units base. PEaches and Low-Sugar Oatmeal for breakfast This puts me at a good 125 for lunch. Turkey Burger 38 carbs four units.

Just as my boss is calling me in for the counter offer on the job offer (which by the way SUCKED! I gave notice,) I start to dip. Dipping is something you can panic about easily a couple of pieces of chocolate got me going for a bit more.

Home: BGS 200 I do two units, Meet some friends one slice of pizza and four units more (more on Pizza Later)

Currently at 130..

Pizza can skyrocket you fairly quickly... maybe I am getting the hang of this.

EXTRA READING Type 1 Bicycle racing from San Diego to New Jersey this summer.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Room 101:Are push ups supposed to be this hard?

Today's Article: Interview with 2006 Olympian Kris Freeman

So everyone needs a control group, so here is what I will consider a good diabetics average day.

Morning BGS: 156 (goal 100-130)
Lantus: 30 units
Humolog: 3 units.
One of the goals here is to be using less and less insulin.

Breakfast (8:00): Low Sugar Apple and Cinnamon Oatmeal(22 g carbs), peaches (7 g carbs), Coffee.
Planned Snack: Apple around 11:00
Activity:30 push ups 30 cross leg situps (on each side)

This felt really weird I was able to whip these out pretty quickly. They were challenging this A.M. and that doesn't make me feel so hot. Prior to having diabetes I was able to whip out three times that amount out pretty quickly, but I actually feel a little tight and a little winded (must be the cigarettes, will have to do something about that)

Slept okay last night, did a little relaxtion yoga (15 minutes) before bed. By the way you don't have to pay $75 for a yoga box set. I got this one out a bin a Ross. Been having some trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Can't figure out if it's because I hate my job, stress or just not taking care of myself.

Well "hate" is not the right word in regards to my job . It's just no longer challenging.

Just a note here, a common misconception about Type 1 diabetics is that you can't have sugar. You can (even ice cream and cake), except you have to adjust insulin and watch the amount that you eat.

Also, you have to understand that Carbs turn into sugar. So you have to watch them as carbs are part of a healthy diet. I had a girlfriend once, she got a kidney infection from skipping the carbs.

9:45 Am BGS: 240! (Goal: Under 160) What the HELL did I do I wrong? I read the damn labels on the packages. Okay my insulin ration 1 unit insulin to 30 points. I did 5 units of humolog with breakfast, so I am gonna try too more and see what happens. Pain the ass.

7 units for 29 carbs, that seems high but okay.

Got Hungry had an Gala Apple +1 unit of insulin.

Alright started getting a little dizzy had lunch BGS: 127 Tuna Sandwhich (36 carbs Bread and Topping). The problem with being high and having to manually adjust your insulin levels is that you can also shoot low. 0=comatoast. I have a real strong fear of that, the main reason why excersize is difficult. It can shoot you all the way down to nothing. Also low blood sugars are a feeling of contorted euphoria. Like XTC mixed with cheap liquor and coca-cola. Thoughts cease, sweating (Which I will get back too) profusely,

Fun Fact the Average Jamba Juice has 90 grams of carbs and 60 grams of sugar.

See it is good for you... if you run a lot.

Tuesdays are tricky. I have to go from Burbank to West LA and back during rush hour. The 405 Freeway is one of the most congested god forsakjen places in the world. If Aliens landed and torched the Getty Center, no would be frightened just pissed off.

"What is it today?" They spend millions maintaining these roads, but very few pennies for public transportation. Life moves fast, my car or alternate transportation should too.

I had to take it coming home from a part ythe other night... a 30 minute drive took 2 HOURS... I got home at 1:30. In any case due to lack of food you could get low. Solution always keep a can of Welche's Grape Soda in the car. Not only does it taste great and shoots you back, as Larry King, would say you can enjoy the French Paradox.

No time for food and usually make this my McDonalds day. I am going to try a balance bar of some sort and see if that will tide me over.